I remember telling God that he was a liar in between sobs. I remember the snot streaming down my nose in between the deep but silent cries as I sat on the floor in my bedroom. I did all of my cryings while locked in my bedroom since it was the only place where I could hide from my nosey family. I wanted to be broken in private. I did not care if you could hear the pain when talking to me or see it in my body language or felt it when you tried to embrace me. I needed to be broken in private. Why was I broken you ask? I was broken because of the years of hiding my secret pain. I was broken because of the years of suffering from rejection all by myself. I was broken because I kept falling in love with men who only wanted to use me, abuse me, then leave me. I was broken because no one saw my tears nor did they pay attention to the weight that I picked up due to my emotional eating coupled with depression. I was tired of being broken.
My story is similar to a lot of women of color, or women in general. We deal with pain from deeply rooted traumas from childhood, family life, or any other relationships. It was a matter of time when it all was going to either crush me permanently or I had to break free. It was the time where God had positioned me to either call on him or to forsake him completely. I had to choose. Fortunately for me, I chose life and that more abundantly! So, come close SIS! I need to let you know that it is time for you to heal, babe. It is the moment in time that God has sent another messenger your way to let you know that healing is the process that will lead you into destiny. Healing is the vehicle that leads you into identity. Healing will be the wings into which you fly into your prosperity and generational blessings! It is time to shed the layers of the filth that has been a part of your life and now be robbed in tranquility. I hear you saying, “How do I do this, Jazz?” Healing is a consistent choice. “Whaaaat?” Yes, my sister, healing is the accumulation of the choices that you make moment-by-moment, day-to-day, and year after year. That is what healing is. You are healed when you have walked into a routine, a moment, or a mindset that no longer is based on the pain of what was. You are healed when you are ready to accept anything in your life without the other thoughts that come with it. The thoughts of “Why me?” or “Am I even good enough?” will no longer exist. Before I dip out of here, I want to leave you with some helpful tips (well, I think they are..LOL) to keep you focused on healing. The tips are as follows:
Commit to You
Give Yourself Compassion
The continual practice of sharing my heart with our Heavenly Father gives him access to the places that are deeply wounded. When he enters the wounded areas then he brings his power to fix all. Secondly, I want you to stop holding yourself to standards that other people have placed on you but instead become devoted to the process that God has you on. Our Creator has given you an identity, so being less than that will never drive you into a place of healing. It’s about loving the self that you are into the self that God has predestined you to be!
We have confused self-care and self-love as the acts of loving oneself through baths, candles, and trips, however, it is the acceptance of who we’ve been and who God is developing us to become. Celebrate the in-between time because that’s when true release and self-awareness will come. As for the last tip, you have to be nice to yourself. There will be days where you may fall apart emotionally then there will be others where you will have multiple breakthroughs. No matter which day you find yourself, you must give yourself compassion.
In conclusion, I want you to know that there are many layers to healing. Forgiveness, trust, and love will be the greatest components of reaching your place of wholeness. You are in control of when you heal, but God is in control of how. Your faith will be the determining factor of how soon you will be able to tell the story of how you were once broken but now you’re whole.
Jasmine Lynise, “Your Favorite Millennial Relationship Surgeon”